Romantic relationships often begin in a chaste manner with the partners getting to know one another through shared interests. Over time, courting will slowly transition into something more physical and erotic, a normal expectation. However once sexual activity becomes part of courting, friendship building and non-sexual intimacy goes by the board. The couple is left with sex, which becomes the glue that holds the relationship together. This is often the time when the male shares the nature of his sexual addiction. At that time, the courting relationship is strained, to say the least. Couples in the courting stage might find this period of their relationship awkward, even if both parties involved have been veterans of the dating scene for many years.
Admittedly, talking about sexually addictive behavior is not exactly something everyone talks easily about in a casual manner. Nevertheless, couples need to be responsible when it comes to disclosing sexually sensitive information about themselves, so here are the key points partners are urged to take seriously when having a heart-to-heart conversation about their sexual habits and history with each other.
Health and History
Disclosure of health and sexual history and should be a first priority. Many diseases are sexually transmitted and pose serious threats to one’s immune system. Partners need to be truthful about their past dating and sexual experiences. In addition, one of them may have a condition that prevents sexually activity. Included is not just physical health, but from a mental perspective as well. Finally, if it is a concern to one or both parties, a frank about discussion of sexual addiction behavior is necessary. One or the other partner may be obsessed by pornography. Sexual considerations may potentially undermine the stability of any normal relationship.
Preferences and Limits
If both partners have a clean bill of physical and mental health, then the next logical conversation is about their preferences and limits. This means that men and women alike are advised to be open about what they like and do not like to experience in bed behind closed doors. In counseling, it is normal to learn that partners frequently are not comfortable in having this type of conversation; it often does not occur and the relationship suffers from the lack of candor. In addition, it is reasonable for a couple to set boundaries. For instance, some might like sex with the lights on while others are more comfortable in the dark or with dim lighting. A partner might also set limits of what their partner can and cannot do such as oral sex. Frequency of sexual activity or performing a sex act, which a partner is not familiar, may be sources of stress. Talking about loving boundaries will reinforce trust and respect between lovers.
People in committed relationships find that understanding their partner’s boundaries helps to clear the way for greater sense of intimacy. Most couples who have difficulties with harnessing their sexual energies or trying to be physically compatible are often advised to seek advice from a professional therapist. The therapist may suggest that the couple engage in creative activities. As an example, they may be advised to engage in role playing activities where they can conjure up fantasy scenarios to make their sex sessions more fun and exciting to participate. Of course, both partners need to be mutually consenting.