Are you a wife or a significant other to a man who suffers from sex addiction? Do you feel conflicted?  Conflicted feelings are to be expected. On the one hand, the female partner is naturally suffering from the trauma of a profound broken trust.  On the other, she may hold deep seeded feeling of care for her spouse and the father of their children.  However, women who are confronted with the discovery of male sexual addiction must deal with the reality of their predicament.  Such disclosure of male infidelity may have significant consequences on their relationship. Furthermore, there may be important questions crying for answers that the male is stumbling to provide. Many women share the same trauma, as you do.  Here are some common questions that women raise when they know their men are suffering from sexual addiction.

 

How did I not see this before?

Some women blame themselves for not seeing the early signs of sex addiction or they feel they may have contributed to the male’s addictive behavior.  This a good question to begin our dialogue.  Let us make it very clear, the spouse or significant other did not play any role in the male’s addiction.  It just does not happen that way. In an overwhelming number of cases, the male’s addiction began in his childhood or late teen years, long before the couple began to court.  Even if the addiction began in late teenage years, because sexual addiction is a shamed based disease, the male would not have disclosed that he was struggling with a problem. To repeat, male sexual addiction is never the fault of the female and providing more sex to draw him back to the marital bed is like feeding 10 bars of chocolate to a diabetic person…it will only make matters worse

 

Why did my partner not tell me this from the beginning?

Sexual addiction is a shame- based disease.  A man would rather take poison that to disclose his most aberrant behavior; even to a woman he believes he loves.  Men fear rejection from the opposite sex during the dating stage as well after marriage. A serious issue like sex addiction is considered by many men as a relationship deal-breaker. As such, men do not divulge shameful information to their partners at the onset of their relationship.

 

Should I have to know everything about his problem?

This is very tricky to answer because it depends on the emotional threshold of the woman in question. Not all women react the same way when they are informed of something unpleasant related to their partners. Some may choose to know all the sordid details while others might opt to go for the general overview of the problem rather than going into specifics. Whatever course of action a woman may choose; she should mentally and emotionally prepare to have a continuing in-depth conversation with her partner so that the path to mending the rift in their relationship can begin.

 

What happens next now that I know my partner’s problem?

If the male partner is genuinely willing to make a change and curb his aberrant carnal desires, then women have a similar choice.  They can return the intention in kind through their love and support or they can choose to remain in anger. Anger is one answer and the female endures the negativity that anger causes, but it is her choice.

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